Either:

As of April 29th/00, Finally Updated!

Or:

Are you kidding? Better to ask how you did without one for this long! I mean, look how many specials programs on magic there have been on TV lately. Magic is the universal language. It's a puzzle, it's a mystery. It's fun for children of all ages. It's spontaneous, it's irreverant. It defies the laws of physics and thumbs its nose at human nature. When it comes to normality, magic just drops its pants and gives it the big old moonpie. What were we talking about again?

Right, magic. A magician gives a kick-in-the-pants jolt of energy to any event. It warms a crowd, brings them together. It's a lot of fun. Really. Trust me.

Why hire Andy Blau?

Andy Blau (which is me, 'natch) has been doing magic in a variety of venues for over ten years (dear lord, has it been that long?). I have experience with improvisational theatre, Murder Dinner theatre, and plain old everyday theatre. I've worked at Yuk Yuk's, A Little Night Magic, and Canada's Wonderland. Which is all well and good, but not the real reason you should hire me for your shows.

The real reason is this: I'm damn funny. I've developed a Hey-you!-Look-at-me! style that grabs the audience by the neck and won't let go. I bring people up on stage (and if you're paying the bill, you can pick who those poor suckers are), I go down into the crowd. I make fun of everybody, most often myself. I make a mess, and refuse to clean it up. That's just the kind of guy I am.
What kind of entertainment is this?

As mentioned, there are two different types of shows. Andy Blau, Magician Extraordinaire is my classic nightclub act. Check out the link for the full details, but the nightclub act is a slick display of card skill, object manipulation and audience participation smothered in a sauce of con-man attitude. This act can be performed either on stage or moving through a crowd (either standing groups or table to table) for larger events.

The second type of show is called Zoltan the Adequate, Geek Magician. What is a Geek Magician, you ask? (and well you should!) Zoltan is a street-monger from the days of the English Renaissance, who clearly does not understand the bounds of good taste. Starting with a broad-base of humor, pile on self-mutilation with a dollop of gore, and all wrapped in a bandage of magic and illusion. Enough to shock and startle the most rigid audience.

Do you have a good recipe for guacamole?

As a matter of fact, I do. In parts of Toronto, I'm world-reknowned for this recipe. It comes from my old friend Emily Peetoom (who, frankly, has only called me like, once in the past three years):

1. Take two avocadoes (they should be dark green, and just slightly mushy), cut them in half, pop out the pit and scoop out the flesh with a spoon (easier than trying to peel the slippery things, and you lose less flesh - both from you and the avocado).

2. Crush two or three (or eight or sixteen) cloves of garlic (I use about four), and throw that on the avocado.

3. Squeeze the heck out of about half a lemon (or about all of a lime), and then go by taste (it's easy to overdo the lemon part). Then mash all this together until it's smooth.

4. Chop up a small onion and throw it in (it's easy to over-onion this recipe), along with about half a normal size tomato, (I like to have decent size chunks of onion and tomato, just for texture. But I know there are people out there who are going to puree it like baby food anyway. Don't. For me, okay?).

5. Give it a little more mashing and stirring, then cover the bowl (did I mention to do this in a bowl? If not, scrape everything off the counter into a bowl) and put it in the fridge. If you give it about an hour, the garlic will seep through and blend the flavors together. If you have a problem with the top layer discoloring, apparently putting one of the pits on top is supposed to help. It never works for me, though.

Mmmm, guacamole. Huh? Oh, contacting me! I though you'd never ask. Well, chances are if you can look at this on the web, you have email. If not, move into the 20th century, Luddite-boy!

Email me at: magic@justadequate.com. I'll get back to you within a day or so. Really. I swear. Have I lied to you yet?

Now go look at one of the big links at the top of this page, darn you!